I Remember...

My Mom is haunting my thoughts in the last of these early morning hours that I'm spending at work. Wisps of memories, videoclips of her life, and uncomfortable feelings of shame when she admonished me for acting the fool are playing in my head. I'd do anything for just one more call from Pop around 3am that Mom has slipped out of bed again and he can't get her up.
I would call my sister, Kennedy, pick her up around the corner from me and jam to the house on Leland St. to put Mom back into bed.

We'd get there and there she'd be, sitting on the floor at the side of the bed with a sheepish grin on her face, unhurt, with plenty of ideas and opinions on how to get her up. As her legs got weaker over the years it became difficult to lift her up without hurting her. We had to call the Fire Department a couple of times to help us and they gave us some techniques on how to lift her safely. Ultimately, she was put back into her bed. After she was settled I would go sit with Pop in the living room. He would sit there with tears in his eyes feeling helpless as he watched the love of his life slowly slip away from his grasp.

Pop and I have had many a candid conversation during these years and he left nothing unsaid, no feeling unshown. We all struggle with our loss every day. Fighting the good fight against depression, lonliness and the thought of what might have been under different circumstances. Pop lost the love of his life, his partner and the one person he shared his life with.
I think about this and my own goomers. My love, my partner, the person I chose to share my life with me. I'm as grateful as I can ever be to have this Teutonic warrior woman at my side. With a sword in one hand and a book in the other she takes my back, whatever the situation, to protect me with her life. A very unslfish act, even when I am my own worst enemy.
I got to watch Mom and Pop set the example. I know how to execute the plan.

Christmas time, vacations or just everyone crowded around the table in that tiny kitchen, with Mom at the stove cooking a meal, are the thoughts I'm having right now. Not a second of every hour of every day do I forget who she was or what she means and how she guides us through this physical plane until our time here is finished and we can all sit around the table once again.Eating, laughing and being the family she raised us to be.